Women frequently ask me what guys are looking for in their relationships with the women in their lives.  And although they may realize how uncomplicated guys are, they are still usually surprised by the simplicity of my answer.  In general, men are looking for three things when they become involved romantically with a woman:

And that’s pretty much it.  And while there are certainly some men who have additional prerequisites on their relationship checklists, they are by far the minority, and don’t really merit much examination in a general discussion about men and their motivations. 

So on to the first thing that men want (and the highest on their “to-do” list): Sex.  As you know, sex is mucho important to guys.  It’s what motivates us to get out of bed every morning (with the hope that soon we’ll be hopping back in for a steamy interlude with an equally hot playmate).  And as much as most men love to eat, if guys had to choose between sex and food, starvation would be the number one cause of death in the male population.  So it only makes sense that one of the primary things we look for in our relationships is sexual compatibility.  And while that sounds as if we might be rating your performance in some way, truth-be-told, if you’re willing to get naked with us on a regular basis – then by our yardstick, we’re perfectly compatible. 

Okay, let’s now talk about “comfort.”  Men often look to their women to provide a safe haven, a comfortable place, a warm atmosphere in which to escape the brutality of everyday life.  I’m not talking about a physical environment, but an emotional one (although the physical comfort of resting our weary head on your soft breast is a big favorite of ours).  We like to kick back with you in a relaxed atmosphere, away from the pressures of the outside world.  We like your supportive attitude and soothing words.  We relish your warmth and understanding.  In other words, your very presence makes us feel better.  Conversely, if you treat us with disdain, criticism and antipathy (like most of the rest of the world), we’re likely to want to be anywhere but where you are. 

And now to “companionship.”  Like it sounds, what we are looking for is someone who is fun to just be around; a person who shares our interests, dreams, goals and sense of humor; someone who’s just cool to hang out with and willing to accompany us on elaborate (and sometimes hair-brained) adventures.  We want a woman who obviously enjoys our company as much as we enjoy hers.  And when we’ve found that person we have so much in common with, it is only natural that we try and maximize our time together – so powerful is the draw of compatibility.

So there you have the shockingly simple truth about what we seek in our relationships with you.  I know it must seem as if we’re searching for more: perhaps a partner, soul mate, life mate, coffee mate (sorry, couldn’t resist), co-parent or roommate.  But actually, although once in awhile that may be our quest, usually our bottom line desire is for the above-mentioned “Big 3.”  And unlike GM, Ford and Chrysler, if your guy has those things with you, your relationship will never need a government bailout. 

© 2009 David M. Matthews.  All Rights Reserved.

If you have any questions for David M. Matthews, please use the Contact form. David M. Matthews’ career in Hollywood has been varied, to say the least. He served as Musical Director for three years on the CBS soap, “The Young and the Restless” for which he won an Emmy for Outstanding Musical Direction and Composition.  He then moved on to sitcom writing, where he penned scripts for “The Nanny” (CBS) and “Living Single” (FOX), as well as staff writing and producing gigs on “For Your Love” (NBC/WB), and “Half & Half” (UPN).  He recently directed the drama, “N-Secure,” wrote and produced an episodic mockumentary, “When Actors Need Money,” for Strike TV, and has just wrapped production on a reality show spoof, “How We Think They Did It.”  His first book, “Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider’s Guide to How Men Think,” inspired by a lifetime of being the “relationship advice guru” for his numerous female friends and co-workers, was published last year by Wheatmark.